If Stephen King (Richard Bachman) ever pens a sequel to his chilling Thinner, I might be in the running to have the lead character based on my last few months. Well, minus the implementation of a gypsy curse as a dark tool of vengeance. And a strawberry/blood pie to share with the family.
Weight Loss Update
March – 216 lbs.
June— 199 lbs.
August- 189 lbs.
Total Weight Shed = 27 lbs.
How a Depressive Dissolves Hunks of Fat
1- Refrain from consuming frozen dinners of any variety.
2- Pine for disappeared things for hours, days, a fortnight.
3- No cola, soda, pop, ultra-sweet tea, sugar in coffee etc…
4- Introduce your body to the couch, as Luther Vandross plays tenderly in the background.
5- Avoid fast food. The ease of grabbing a prepared meal is eclipsed by the future hardening of your arteries. And your heart will probably explode when you turn 52.
6- Rage against society, hypocrisy, dishes in the sink, unrequited love, yourself.
7- Incorporate fruits and vegetables as best you can. Salted caramel gelato is neither fruit nor vegetable, sadly.
8- Dwell intensely on what could have been.
9- Guacamole. Eat it while nude. Eat it when crying. Eat it to forget. Just eat it for the rest of your days.
10- Continue to play the fool, it’s a good look.
11- Portion control. Portion control. Portion control.
12- Use bird bones to spell her name on the floor of your bedroom.
13- It takes a couple of weeks to develop a pattern of eating. Be patient. Because after those opening weeks, it becomes much easier to stay on point. I rarely think about junk food anymore.
14- Imagine what flavor of e-liquid she would be when you vape like a fiend. Strawberries & cream with a hint of quinoa, a splash of debilitating silence?
15- If you fail, it’s okay. Try again. Be persistent. Set a realistic goal and pursue it with a steadfast confidence.
Do the above things and you will be on your way to becoming a new you. A rearranged you.
A Thinner you. (Cue spooky piano)