There are times when I have to flip the switch in my mind and slither away into the cold comfort of solitude. This usually occurs when I’m involved in some kind of war with myself, a battle of combative thoughts instigated by a never-ending quest for understanding.
We plod through our lives enveloped by a bubble of fragility. When things stay on script, we are safe in this transparent cocoon. We can function. We can sleep. But at some point there will be a piercing of this faux-sanctuary, a pinprick of chaos that bleeds the tranquil air from your tenuous fortress of sanity. You emerge deflated and defeated with a wounded psyche and a perplexed soul. Things don’t make sense. Your mind becomes a labyrinth of dark turns and obscured voices. Everything is melting. Everything is a hoax.
When I’m in this mental quagmire I question the motivation of others, their sincerity. Their true intentions. And I question my own as well. I can process and flesh-out what I’m feeling at a certain time but I never truly find an answer. People are strange. I’m strange. But people are also manipulative and chameleon-like in their words and actions. I can spend hours attempting to peel back the layers of a stray comment, a fraudulent smile or the veiled deceit lurking in a digital missive. Sometimes it feels like dishonesty is the currency of every person I meet. Or maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the issue here, a paranoid malcontent with a penchant for caustic relationships.
In the end, you have to move forward. You can’t change people. You can’t force them to be genuine and kind. The only option you have is to be the better human being. Don’t let others drag you into a cesspool of self-loathing and impenetrable darkness. We are not powerless, we are not valueless, it just feels that way at times. We invite what derails us when we make the decision to swathe ourselves in the machinations of others. You can choose to be a human marionette or you can choose to be a human devoid of that insatiable need to be loved, cherished and respected by all. Or at least a human who isn’t controlled by the opinions and deeds of people who are coated in the veneer of subterfuge. Implementing that philosophy is the tricky part but if you want to unshackle yourself from the invisible chains of pain that are latched by dismissal, deceit and degradation, it’s the only realistic answer.
This was supposed to be a music but I got distracted as usual. Put your ear buds in tight and get lost in some tunes. Or begin the process of repairing that punctured bubble of yours.
Haunting and gorgeous, this cover is my go-to song when writing an emotional scene in a piece of flash fiction.
Relatable and potent lyrics touching upon the need for that warm blanket of withdrawal when struggling with the darkness.
This is like a prose poem masquerading as a song. Lyrics that explore those slayers of the mind, blame and regret.
Jack White spins a tune about being controlled and marginalized by the powers that be, those entitled folks who don’t recognize the value in others.
A killer riff with a sultry vibe and lyrics steeped in the carnal grit of pining for someone.
Angel Olsen is a troubadour of melancholy. There’s an authenticity to her music that really appeals to me.